Mental and Physical Health Matters

 

Image by Freepik

If you haven’t noticed I took quite a long break from taking photos and stepped away from all the stores that I blogged for. It’s not that I didn’t take them, I did. However, I hated how they came out, or I lacked the creativity to even imagine what I wanted to do. I wasn’t in a great spot mentally or physically, I’m still not, but I’m taking it step by step, and one day at a time. 

You see, I haven't been okay mentally in quite awhile. I suffer from extreme PTSD which also manifests in social phobia, which is horrible. I can't go an do the things I used to love to do. Going to the movies, mall, amusement parks and even grocery shopping are nearly impossible. Add to that anxiety, depression, night terrors and insomnia, and I'm a therapists wet dream.

I have started talking to a therapist who isn't a pushy kind of therapist who lets me talk about things as I want to, but he has noticed I'm avoiding the deeper topics so he wants to start diving into the deep darks recesses of my mind, where I hide all my pain and trauma, because to the world I smile and act like everything is okay, but inside I'm miserable. We will see how that goes. 

I'm also seeing a physiatrist who has given me meds to try to help me be able to function a bit better and so far they are helping at least a bit. I'm sleeping more thanks to my sleeping pills but sometimes insomnia still wins out because I don't want to take my sleeping pills everyday. 

My relationships have suffered. I pulled away from friends and family in both RL and SL, the ones who love and care about me never made me feel badly about being distant and quiet, they were there waiting when I was ready to talk and understood when I disappeared for days at a time.   With them I don't have to pretend I'm fine, I don't have to wear a mask, or fake a smile, they just simply wrap me in their arms and tell me they understand and are here for me.  

This song, sums up how I feel.

Then there is the physical aspect of my life, where I'm in constant physical pain in my joints. Somedays it's worse than the day before, some days it's manageable enough to somewhat function. So, my doctors and I are in the process of going through an assortment of testing to confirm or rule out multiple autoimmune diseases. Knowing the health system where I live it will take forever, as they always do, but in the end I will have answers.

Am I ready to go back to blogging again? That is yet to be seen but at least my desire to do photos is slowly come back. 

Take care of yourselves and know that it's okay not to be okay. You're not alone. If you feel alone reach out, someone will always be there to hold your hand.